The ESChole

Published on Sunday, 4th April 2021

A new system is being formed and so our stars realigned once again. The constellations shift, the ESC is rising and ELMA is in a conflicting quadrant.

That is to say, the extensions and special circumstances process has been centralised for the entire university, new systems created and everyone is subsequently adapting their working practice.

It is has not been as smooth as management hoped and this was grimily predictable by the administrators who worked processing extensions previously. The initial number of people were hired to run the ESC service were quickly overwhelmed by the sheer number of student requests. The team was quickly expanded by a factor of 4 and still it appears they are barely keeping with the flood of antsy students who want to know whether they can relax about their deadlines.

From comparing rough notes with my colleagues we've now started to expect between 50 and 70% of submissions to be given an extension. This means tutors find it difficult to plan their time and regularly reply with surprised remarks when we send them their marking. There are also gaps in the data we are sent from the ESC team so anyone applying due to a learning adjustment won't be there so we end up having to consult a different spreadsheet. We've been told this is being worked on. In the meantime, we leave it as late as possible to pull any data and apply extensions, we check all the data again once marking is back then email any remaining late submitting students to check they don't have an extension notification. A lot of the times they do but it has been missed either by the administrator or the ESC team. 

Oh well. 

One day the system will be perfected then EUCLID will become the one stop shop multi story dream platform for student services. Whether it will be fully AI automated and I will be made redundant is another thing. We'll have to see. I'm hoping to be long gone before then anyway. I'm also a part-time student so I actually agree with the goal of streamlining the Uni admin processes and services. I can empathise with students who don't know their way around the back corridors of the bureaucratic sausage factory. Never ask how it works. You don't want to know.

Oh well.

Recently my line manager began a meeting by saying "So it seems there is a problem with the ESC system..." then my mind wandered and I filled in my own story... "so it turns out there isn't actually a centralised system and that's why we're having so many problems pulling the data and the students aren't getting notifications. Rather than building a web platform the Uni actually built a sort of blackhole/composting pit round the back of the King's buildings. There's a printer balanced on a ladder leaning over it so when a student applies for an extension it gets printed then falls into the hole. After a few weeks of stewing the psychic anxiety and frustration from the ESC peat is ready for harvesting and distribution around the uni. Eventually this will heat the buildings and go a long way to making the uni campus carbon neutral by 2040. The main role of the ESC admin team is dry the peat and make sure the printer always has enough ink. Their staff training consists of learning how to use BI suite and not get drawn into the gravitational vortex of the ESChole"

I nearly applied for one of those admin roles. Dodged a bullet there.